Psychology of Internet Bullies

Because of my former assistant, Darlene’s mistake on July 1, 2019, I was personally victimized by internet bullies, and malicious haters and trolls across all of my social media account but especially Twitter and Goodreads. Ironically, Darlene had not even mentioned this main cyberbullying, troll, hater by name (CM), so I’m not even sure why CM immediately took ownership of Darlene’s anonymous post.

But, because I usually choose to walk the high-road, once I saw the Twitter exchange, I privately emailed CM and apologized for Darlene’s post (which I haven’t even seen), and informed CM that I terminated Darlene (which I did).

Literally, CM and her equally-malicious followers spent hours of their day with nothing better to do than to berate me for something I literally had no knowledge of. It may have been different if we shared an office. But we both work from home and she lives across the United States from me.

It is my fault however, that I didn’t micromanage Darlene. Proof of my error is that I had absolutely no knowledge of what Darlene was doing on social media (which may be why she mentioned me in her seemingly-offensive post but did not tag me (so I wasn’t flagged). Had she tagged me, I would have demanded she take it down. I only found out about it after a couple of my collaborating authors in the GBF series alerted me.

However, I’m sure I’m not the only employer who had a very trusted employee in which we felt micromanaging was not necessary. Afterall, she had been with me for 9 years and I never had a problem other than a couple reports about her being a bit sarcastic. But a couple reports in 9 years is hardly enough to warrant police patrol. However, at the time of those reports, I did handle the complaints immediately and, to my knowledge, she had gotten better because I did not receive any more complaints. 

Anyway, what all this cyberbullying did was cause my volunteer-writers-only Girl Behind the Fence (GBF) series to be cancelled (and authors are very sad), my social media accounts to be shut down, and I physically and emotionally withdrew. I shut off the phone, emails, put on my pajamas, and spent 13 hours nursing symptoms such as a horrendous migraine. Yet during that time, I was able to repeatedly reassess everything that had gone on. When I turned my phone back on, I received a notice that Darlene had called and left an apology message.

((I once wrote a blog post about how “professional badmouthing says more about the talker” than it does about the talker’s target but I can’t locate the post anymore. If I can find a copy of it, I’ll republish it. However, it’s true)).

Anyway, in the process of reassessing things, I decided to do some research on the mentality behind online bullies, malicious trolls, and professional haters such as CM and her sidekicks.

This is what I found… 

A research team from the School of Health and Life Sciences at Federation University in Australia carried out a study to analyze the personality traits of these kinds of people. They discovered they actually scored much higher than others in two important personality traits: psychopathy and cognitive empathy. 

What does that mean?

Psychologist Dr. Robert Hare has been researching psychopathy for more than 30 years and he stated: psychopaths are easily bored, need constant stimulation, and are unable to set long-term goals. They’re manipulative and need to feel like they have power and control over others. Psychopaths also have narcissistic traitsSure seems to sum-up CM and her sidekicks the 1st week of July. Who else would spend nearly a full 24-hours wasting time trying to sabotage little ole’ me for trying to help our readers heal from destructive attitudes, beliefs, emotions, thoughts, etc?

According to Dr. Hare and the study, these people have serious impulse control problems and react with anger. Individuals with this disorder have problems with social and moral norms (abnormal). However, they’re often superficially charming (fake) and seem well-adjusted (keyword: seem).

Psychopaths think highly of themselves. Inflicting pain on others gives them pleasure. It’s often said that psychopaths lack empathy”, but that’s not exactly true and here’s why… 

The study also reveals the “dark side of empathy”…

Emotional empathy and cognitive empathy are both cognitive processes. However, there are significant differences between them involving the activation of different parts of the brain. 

You can read the complete study / article HERE but let me first share this about the “dark side of empathy” per the article.

There’s a kind of “cold” empathy that is not as well known but online evil-doers have high levels of it. In other words, these online bullies, trolls, and haters can identify someone else’s suffering, but they don’t feel it. In fact, they are able to predict and recognize their victim’s emotional suffering. They then deliberately use their knowledge to cause the most damage possible. 

They often don’t even read people’s posts or they just skim them and reinterpret them to fit their motives. (This is exactly what CM and her sidekicks did). 

Again, it sure seems to sum-up CM and her sidekicks, and what they attempted and somewhat succeeded in doing to me last week. However, if you pay attention to her page, that’s all she seems to do & enjoy. Here is an example. She likes to “name and shame” without knowing the full story so I decided to “name” her in this post.

How in the world does she have time to write books if she’s always cyberbullying someone or starting shit online? And the genre she writes is romance. That’s very surprising because her personality sure seems far from warm and fuzzy. Perhaps she’d be a more successful author if she wrote murder mysteries, lol.

Now, check this post out!

Oh, and she tried to claim (via Darlen’e post) that I expect professionals to work for free. That’s not true. However, I did ask women who were friends and family members of mine if they would like to write a story to contribute to the GBF series, which was a passion project for me.

In my opinion, there is a big difference between the intention of all people who do things to help others and those who do things to make money. The GBF series was about helping people fulfill goals. For example, the series allowed many women to realize their dream of becoming a published author and, on the flipside, it allowed readers to realize their dream of shifting their mindset so they can break free from things that may be holding them back (ie: anger, anxiety, codependency, loneliness, etc.)

Update as of 7/18/19:

At first, I was emotional and had become so tired of fighting against jerks, bullies, and downright a-holes all of my life, that it’s just easier now that I’m older to just quit. But I have never been a “quitter”. I mean, Jesus was tortured and he kept going, so my “pain” seemed a whole lot more bearable.

So, after my much-needed break to think everything through, I realized that CM et al (those who caused all of the above) are just mere, tiny specks in a world of billions of specks. I never heard of them before this “situation”, so why should I let them put a stop to my passion project that could help millions of women across the world? They judgement upon me should not reflect my judgement upon myself so…

I have decided to be like a Phoenix once again and rise-up from the ashes. Therefore, the GBF series is once again “on” and it will continue until all of the series books are published as originally scheduled. I will see this project through to the end because it’s what I want to do. Ladies, if you’d like to participate in the GBF series, check this out.

Now my only question is… since Darlene wants her position back, do I rehire her ? Did I terminate her due to my emotional upheaval? I do know that, had this “online harrassment” with CM and her groupies not occurred, Darlene would’ve never been terminated.

What are your thoughts?

still-i-rise-you-may-shoot-me-with-your-words-22858715

In closing, while there aren’t any studies on how to stop trolls, ignoring their attacks seems to be the best way to avoid giving them more power.

So from this point forward, that’s what I’m going to do. 

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

 

Become a Published Author at No Cost

Ladies, is one of your goals to become a published author?

Are you tired of the “publishing houses” asking you for hundreds and even thousands of dollars?

Well, if you are 35 years of age or older, I would like to invite you to become a published author at no cost in the powerful self-help book series for women.

BECOME AN AUTHOR NOW

WHY?

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Facebook Live with Mozelle Martin & Kathy Dale – Part 2

If you missed Wednesday’s interview on 11/7/18, here is the replay from that Facebook Live & Zoom event with my friend, Kathy Dale.

If you missed Part 1 on 10/17/18, check it out HERE about the SCIENCE of handwriting analysis is truly life-changing from forensics to it’s therapeutic benefits.

 

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Are You a Yeah-Butter?

It started back in the 1990s when I received new Clinical Graphology clients. Those who said, “I’m going to try this program” were not committed.

Not only were these clients deceiving me (albeit unintentional), they were deceiving themselves. You see, when I heard them say, “I’ll try”, what I really heard was, “I am giving myself permission to not follow-through. I am giving myself permission to fail”.

Sure enough, those people did not engage with the process in the exact way they were instructed. In essence, they chose to fail, and then justified their failure by saying, “Well, I tried, but the program didn’t work for me.”

NO, YOU DIDN’T – YOU DID NOT TRY.

THE PROGRAM DID WORK FOR YOU – YOU DIDN’T WORK FOR YOU!

People who achieve their goals commit to the “I will” and “I do” types of phrases. As the saying goes, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Have you ever been married before? If so, remember the time you got to the altar and expected your soon-to-be spouse to say “I do”? What if s/he would have said “I’ll try” instead? How confident would you have felt about spending the rest of your life with that person? That sure would show a lack of commitment, wouldn’t it?

So if you would not say “I’ll try” to a person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, why would you say “I’ll try” to yourself? Don’t you love yourself more than anyone else? Well, whether you do or not is really irrelevant because either way, the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with is YOU!

If you have never been married, have you ever dated or known someone who was emotionally distant or had a fear of intimacy or fear of commitment? It’s the same thing… when you entered into a relationship with that individual – whether as a friend or lover – s/he was behaviorally saying “I’ll try”. Again, how confident did that make you feel? I’m sure you would agree that also shows a lack of commitment.

Next, think of the old habits we try to integrate or replace with new habits.

How many times have you said something like this?

· “I’m going to try to eat healthier”

· “I really have to try exercising more”

· “I need to at least try to make more money this year”

· “I am trying to be a better listener”

· “I want to try….”

How many of times have you failed? Probably more times than you’d like to admit.

WHY?

Because saying “try” gives you permission to not follow-through and to fail”.

So what can you do instead of saying “I’ll try”?

Commit to taking an ACTION STEP.

Maybe the action step is signing up for another self-help program, reading a new self-help book, or attending a powerful workshop. Whatever it is… go for it!

I know, I know… you’ve tried all of that before and nothing changed.

There are a couple main reasons for this:

(1) You didn’t follow-through with what you were guided to do. Experts who create a program or write a self-help book tend to do so in a way they know works. If you sign up for their program or read their book, it’s because you want change. That means you should follow it exactly as provided. If you don’t, please take responsibility and be accountable… it is cowardly and childish to blame the product or service.

(2) You aren’t quite ready for the change you’ve been trying to achieve. That’s totally okay… there will be more opportunities to try. What I mean is, you can hear the same thing over and over for years from various people and you may say “the timing was just not right”. In truth, the clock, days, weeks, months, or years that have passed you by has nothing to do with it. Instead, you are either ready or you are not ready but, until you are ready and fully committed to taking an action step and fully following the process, nothing will change.

So in the meantime, are you continuing to waste your precious time?

As Dr. Laura Schlessinger would ask, “Between now and dead, is this how you want your life?” I only ask that because excuses are abundant; there will always be something trying to sabotage your success if you allow it. It may be a person, lifestyle, finances, beliefs, doubts, worries, etc.

I know, I know… change is easier said than done. This is true. However, I would bet that you have known what you’ve needed to do for a very long time but found a way to distract yourself instead. When it’s something you want to do, you jump right in. But those are usually the fun or safe options, the ones that help you avoid your inner turmoil and pain. Yet, when it’s something you have to do – even if you believe in it – you dodge it like a bullet.

As long as you allow your mind to justify the excuses you come up with, you will continue immersing yourself in a bathtub full of self-sabotage.

I have a question…

Are you a YEAH BUTT’er ?

One of my pet peeves is hearing “yeah, but…”

Someone very close to me used to love asking me for advice. Every single time without fail, when I provided her with very realistic, affordable (usually free), and powerful options, she responded with “yeah, but…”

Last time she did this I responded with, “Are you asking me so you can actually reach out to these resources, or are you asking just so you can say “yeah but” to me one last time?”

Needless to say, she no longer asks.

So yes, there will always be reasons as to why you can’t, shouldn’t, won’t succeed, should wait for a bit, or should just give up. But if you continue this way, you are inviting more of the same into your life… the very things you have been trying to change.

Now if the current situation is working for you… awesome. Um, but then… why are you reading this?

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Is Handwriting Analysis a Psychic Tool?

Good question! You will find the answer somewhere in the below compilation, including answers to questions about a murder-suicide, online dating, and if handwriting analysis is a psychic tool.

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin