Is Our Society Doomed?

To avoid my 1st Amendment rights being squashed again on Facebook, I figured I’d jump over here to WordPress and hope that it stays. You see, just yesterday someone “flagged” several of my posts on Facebook as being “inappropriate”. I call them REAL LIFE. But, instead of getting irritated, I said, “That’s okay. Let me sum them ALL up for you….”, so I did.

That summary is below

I am often beyond saddened & disgusted over the state of our society, here in the USA and across the world. Many could argue that the cruel, insensitive, unkind, murderous, savage-minded people deserve what they have coming to them (karma?), however most people I know would agree that animals really never deserve the way they are treated. Is it just me or does China lead the world in cruelty to animals and people? Or is are all Asian countries ruthlessly heartless?

To my sensitive readers… this post is 100% MY personal opinion. If you don’t like it, don’t bother to comment because I really don’t care if you like my opinions or not. Bottom line is that I may have a lot of people remove themselves from my friends list, and that’s OK too. It’s one way to see who my true friends are, lol.

On the other hand, I may gain more followers since I am often told by others, “Wow, you have the courage to actually speak what I only think yet am too afraid to actually say”.

Whether you stay or go, if you don’t know why I have a strong opinion on these types of topics, you obviously don’t know me very well at all, so let me enlighten you in a nutshell…

Although I have forgiven everyone in my past, and haven’t been “triggered” in decades, that does not mean that I did not experience decades of trauma starting at birth (adoption), or that I was bullied so badly as a kid and had my first serious suicide attempt at age 9. Or that, when I was 11, I was almost gang raped and tied naked to a tombstone overnight. Then, throughout my childhood and teen years, I was abused in pretty much every way from those closest to me as well as peers, and sooo much more. 

Then, as a young adult, I escaped a very abusive marriage, out-smarted a hired gun, and raised my two kids alone while running from a 10-year stalker who was also a convicted child predator. This predator also posed as a cop and followed me & my kids to several states.

Even with two Master’s degrees and a doctorate, I was then reverse-discriminated against and completely blackballed from working in mainstream mental health throughout Maricopa County where I live because (quote), “Your ethics are just too strong” (WHAT?!). Plus people who interview me usually have much less education and experience and one has even told me that she wouldn’t hire me because I should be her supervisor. Apparently brains intimidate many people! I could go on and on about that, and bring forth others treated the exact same way by the exact same agencies but that serves no purpose than to chain myself to the past.

steve jobs quote

On the flipside, I always preferred paramilitary settings and despite the black-balling in the mental health “gen pop”, I was able to consistently work in jails and prisons as a Forensic Mental Health Professional and currently work in a maximum security men’s prison. So, as an international forensic handwriting and body language expert, I have spent over 30 years total in the forensics and criminology fields.

Although I was not a “people person” per se, I have always felt absolute empathy for anyone who has experienced any kind of trauma as a child or adult. That’s why I have been passionate for my entire life about helping others heal and find light in their darkest moments. Of course, I can’t take all the credit – I had enormous assistance from God, the individual’s own spirituality, and my Clinical Graphology program.

Yet during my 30+ years in forensics, I also experienced and saw things that most of the public has only seen on TV or in movies. In other words, I have seen the RAW TRUTH of the unbelievable, pure unimaginable and beyond-incomprehensible things people have done – and continue to do – to animals and each other. Often this is done so in the name of ego, politics, greed, religion, money, “bad genes”, and just plain selfishness.

I also feel that a LOT of the problems in our world started with music that is full of disrespectful (& often gruesome) lyrics, violent video games, drugs, the wimpy schools who look the other way when those who are bullied seek help, the mental health system full of coddling social workers who allow the mentally ill person to blame everyone else for their unhappiness (I am talking about those who abuse the systems, not those who truly seek help), and other “community” programs who allow people to be enabled by disability / food stamps / unemployment. ADD TO THAT… the DUMMYING DOWN (allowing kids with a 4th grade reading level to graduate!) in public schools (Carlos Mencia has it 100% correct), and the criminal justice system who often slaps people on the wrists without ever truly holding them accountable. ADD TO THAT…those professionals we were once able to trust – like that of police, teachers, clergy – who are now raping our youth, beating their spouse, and in other ways hiding behind the badge. This makes it difficult for GOOD, ETHICAL professionals to survive (could this be related to the once-again, recent upswing in law enforcement officer suicides?).

ADD TO THAT… the parents who have stopped parenting as soon as kids threatened to call “child protective services” whenever they did try to parent… and then those seeming “deaf, dumb and blind” parents / grandparents who truly believe “my kid would never do that”

ADD TO THAT… Netflix is starting to remove Christian movies, and cater to what others call “anti-christian” movies, and that may be the exact thing that led to the creation of Pureflix. Who knows…

ADD TO THAT… we seem to be regressing back into the “racial segregation”, yet we are all of mixed ethnicities and every female alive has African DNA (which means so does everyone else since a woman gave birth to them). ADD TO THAT… people can no longer look inside of their pants and tell what gender they are, and ADD TO THAT… the recent upswing of Christian villagers who are being killed and their Churches and Bibles destroyed.

ADD TO THAT… a selfish younger generation who often seem to have ZERO ethics, integrity, or respect for older generations or authority. ADD TO THAT… customer service where I rarely get quality service anywhere, meaning that most food is not the way I ordered, representatives on the phone and in person are rude, etc…. and ADD TO THAT… the fact that when KIDS / TEENS kill animals they are “future serial killers”, yet when ADULTS kill animals, they are “sportsmen”. Yes, I too am a sometimes meat-eater and I struggle with this a lot (so to help, I thank the animals during prayer for giving its life to help sustain mine). I understand the “over-population” of wild animals, but we can end an animal’s life humanely, and that is largely not being done!!

ADD TO THAT… sports professionals (ie: NFL) get paid ridiculous amounts of money to throw balls around and run across fake grass, while people literally living down the street from them are starving to death. I feel sports are just one of the many distractions to keep us all “ignorant”. ADD TO THAT… that we are all victims in some way of “repression” (use of force to subdue something or someone), “oppression” (a prolonged period of maltreatment), and “suppression” (putting a stop to something like standing up and speaking about these things).

Anyway… admittedly, none of us are perfect but as you know… THE LIST GOES ON & ON

And YES, I know much of this cruelty occurred since the beginning of time and has only been outed by the internet, news, and social media.

However I’m glad they are…

People used to say to me, “I don’t understand why you don’t trust people”.

So I am glad that the truth is finally out here and in our faces. Because hiding behind all “fluffy” posts is not real, it’s not genuine. So, I vote for NO MORE blind ignorance because ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance allows the things we hate to continue.

It is anger, irritation, and frustration combined with passion that create change.

So, is it really so difficult to see why I feel so passionately about these things?

I’ve always considered myself very apolitical but now, after rereading this I’m beginning to think I should run for politics, lol. Then again, because of my satirical and often blunt comments, and strong personality, I’d probably be killed by my opponent or POTUS, lol.

Finally, as for Facebook – I hate it and always have. If I could figure out viable options (and I have tried several times) other than Facebook for the only 2 reasons I am on there, I would not be on there at all.  So until Facebook is wiped out like MySpace was (which I hope is very soon!), I’m stuck there.

hatred fear love

NOW READ THIS

Here is something I found online that someone I do not know shared on July 11th… 

In your opinion, do comments like this help or hurt society? Are they true or offensive? Are we losing control as a society? I’d really like to know your thoughts. 

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Reunification Therapy: Hope or Hell?

Some mental health professionals claim Reunification Therapy provides hope to family members, while other mental health professionals claim it creates hell for the child and sometimes even the custodial parent.

In addition, some mental health professionals claim Reunification Therapy is not real therapy, while family courts tend to be strong advocates for it.

In this episode, Mozelle Martin interviews Kelly Townsend, owner of Lien & Bond Investigations in the Phoenix, Arizona area and Dana Hoffman, a Cyber Intelligence Researcher who lives in Idaho. Together they discuss a current case they are working on, and how the process of rebuilding can provide hope to the family… or not.

We will also discuss the roles courts may play in putting children at more risk for revictimization.

What do YOU think? Does Reunification Therapy offer victims hope or does it sentence them to hell-in-the-home?

Click “play” to listen to the episode…

 

*** RESOURCES *** 

Whose Birth Certificate Says “Other”?

This morning I was reading a post that discussed gender identity. Last week I was filling out a government form that asked my gender. My choices were “male”, “female”, and “other”.

I guess I’m concerned and a bit confused…

Since 99.93% of humans have XX or XY chromosomes, I highly doubt anyone’s birth certificate says the baby’s gender is “other”. So, when did members of society stop being able to look into their own underwear and see their gender? Don’t want to look? Feel!

Either way, how can someone NOT know their gender?

I do understand identifying with a gender different than one’s own. For example, I was born a female but I’ve always been a “Tomboy” — I liked to play rough, I liked to play in the mud, and I’ve never been a giggly, pouty-lip-photos, baby-talk, dress-up, tons of make-up, over-emotional girl / woman. I have spent 30 years in a male-dominated, paramilitary, forensic field as well and for my entire life, 99% of my friends have been men. BUT I still know my gender is female and I’ve never questioned or doubted that.

In addition, many men are heterosexual yet still very feminine. Cool, rock your genuine self. But our genuine selves were born male or female; we were not born other. Now we are told that referring to someone as “it” is disrespectful but you can use “they”. From a mental health standpoint, unless someone has a multiple personality disorder, they are not a “they”.

Yes, I do understand how both men and women have been forced into gender roles… women stay “barefoot & pregnant” while men “bring home the bacon”. We also tend to live in a “blame the victim” (usually women) society… such as “oh she was raped? well look what she was wearing”, or “she should not have led him on or been walking in that area alone at night”. I also feel this is complete and ignorant bullshit.

BUT… like many other historical facts, these things were accepted by society back then and – even as sad, maddening, or disgusting one may feel about them – they were (and many still are) signs of the times.

We do not force change by succumbing to it. We do force change by not allowing ourselves to be society’s victims, not by making society more stupid than it already is and then rewarding the stupidity!

Why not stop wearing dresses and high heels if we don’t want to? Why not stop wearing make-up if we don’t want to? Why not stop fixing things around the house if we don’t want to? Stop becoming parents if you don’t want kids.

In other words, accept your gender, but stop giving in to the role-expectations of society

What if our many historical figures such as Martin Luther Kingor Mother Teresa tried to say they did not know if they were “male” or “female” or they gave in instead of being driven by passion? I seriously doubt anyone’s passion is to fall into gender roles and expectations… so simply stop doing it.

In other words, resist society’s ignorance but stay true to who you were born to be.

Yes, things change.. but science has not (much)!

As someone who has worked in the forensic mental health industry for over 30 years, according to the American Psychiatric Association, in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), *thinking* one is a gender other than what they were born as is known as “Gender Identity Disorder” (GID) — ICD-10 code # F64. When society forces GID into widespread acceptance, it is the same as promoting sociopathy (note both are “soci”).

This is not my opinion… this is SCIENTIFIC FACT.

Another scientific fact is that BRAINS are not fully developed until approximately age 26–27. So why are parents allowing their 8 or 10 year old child to say they are “bisexual” when these kids can barely wipe their own ass and probably can’t even spell the LBGQ…. words? They cannot vote, smoke, drink, or do anything else legally. They can’t budget, pay rent, or drive a car BUT somehow in a VERY immature and UNDER-developed mind, they can identify with something other than “male” or “female”?

I do NOT care where someone sticks their body parts (unless it’s illegal or someone is forcibly harmed) but schools and society are messed-up enough. Home should be full of safety and security — one that promotes a HEALTHY identity in the child(ren). I do not feel this is being done. We screwed up society decades ago when it became pretty much “illegal” to discipline our children. Parents stopped parenting and video games became caregivers. That’s when children / teens stopped having respect for well… anyone & everyone.

Now we name our kids things like “Atom Bomb”, and “Home Run”… and have allowed the birthing of a selfish generation that doesn’t want to do anything except accept handouts. We older generations were taught strong work ethic, respect, and how to think… most of those individuals in our “millennial” generation (especially those born after 1992) decide they will go to work when or if they want to, are overly-selfish, and can’t think their way out of a paper box without someone holding their hand. Schools have lowered their standards and sooooo much more.

When did society STOP giving a shit about how our short-term allowances cause often-severe long-term problems?

Facebook, which I loathe and have since day # 1, allows human trafficking groups from Russia, pornography groups from the U.K., animal abuse groups and posts from China, and a bunch of other illegal and disgusting pages BUT try to post a scientific fact such as the one I posted this morning (below), and it “violates their TOS”.

REALLY?

(I had to accept it or be locked out and put in “facebook jail” for 3 days. However, I did contact them with my real thoughts on this)

1st amendment

We have collectively created a whiny, wimpy society who proactively and aggressively seeks out shit to be offended about. Then they continue to whine because nobody understands them, all while making bullshit excuses for their unhappiness as they blame others. 

What happened to “Life is tough – suck it up buttercup?” or “Pick your battles and move on”? Worked for millions of us before now!

I’m definitely not saying society was perfect in any of the decades or generations before us, nor will it ever be. However, those of us over 40 years old likely remember when logic, intelligence, integrity, and science was sought-after in job applicants and employees. After all, medical and technological advances are just some of the things we gained from smart people!

Today, the intelligent hard workers get passed over for jobs because they intimidate someone. People ask for honesty, then call you an asshole when you are honest. The criminal justice system is trying to hire a bunch of social workers to cuddle and hold hands with convicts (I have worked in prisons and jails for decades and still do, and this does not typically work!), and now social media posts containing scientific facts violate terms of service.

We readers over age 40 also remember when we respected the elderly, our parents, and authority figures even if we disagreed with them.

What’s next? We shall see.  

Again, I’m concerned and somewhat confused about the world we live in. If it continues, will we swallow ourselves whole?

Maybe we should… sure seems like our world could use a major cleansing!

NOW READ THIS

Disconnecting from Toxic Family Members

A common goal of my clients at the beginning of every new year is “Disconnecting from Toxic Family Members”.

Here is my advice for them:

TOXIC PEOPLE ARE NOT FIXABLE SO DON’T TRY. The way toxic people act is because of an internal struggle they bear inside of themselves but is taken out on those around them, or their target.

It is not your place to “fix” them, and they often have no idea why they feel the way they do, do the things they do, and hurt the people they hurt. Yet, they continue to do it; this in no way makes what they do justifiable.

There are also those toxic people with personality disorders who understand what their heinous words and actions do to others, but find their behavior defensible. Of course, it never really is, but in their minds they will always find a way to justify the means.

Toxic individuals are aware of the chaos they create around them. Some do so intentionally, others may be good people who do not know how to exist in the world without forcing others (you) to compromise their (your) happiness to their infliction.

Toxic people create drama and live in a world of negativity. They are essentially addicted to the drama – the negativity – the toxicity. When life is calm, it is disorienting so it doesn’t last long. Creating an argument, or turning a tiny issue into a huge verbal battle, is sure to bring their unhappy world and mindset right back. SO, take a hard look and decide for yourself if you can tolerate their behavior for a lifetime – because it will likely never go away… OR if its time to make your own well-being a priority.

This may mean that you distance yourself from this person by spending less time with them, not sharing personal information, or disconnecting entirely – temporarily or permanently.

YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO CREATE A HEALTHY (& HAPPY) LIFE FOR YOURSELF and there will come a time when you say, “enough is enough.” You are a person who deserves to be treated with love and respect. You cannot possibly grow if the sunshine is always being snuffed out by a raging storm.

You will not love yourself or live a positive, flourishing life – a life you absolutely deserve – in the wake of a toxic person who purposefully hurts you and keeps you from true happiness.

TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU ALLOW: these toxic individuals often manipulate, lie, are passive-aggressive, hurtful, or physically abusive, yet continue to act this way because you allow it in your life.

What are you doing to stand up for yourself and to stop the way they treat you? How do you react when they disrespect and hurt you? What is the toxic person’s reaction when you choose to stand up to them? When you confront a toxic person, do not expect it to go smoothly. 

Because they often take your distance as a personal attack, an insult if you will, or rejection, you will often see manipulation at it’s finest. A family member will often play the victim and try to corral other family members against you because they feel you have hurt them. They may use their emotions to influence other family members and isolate you, and they may treat you harshly in return. It is common to expect lies, victim stories with you being the “bad guy”.

Toxic people will often flat out lie about what you have gone through and why you are disconnecting from them. They will usually make up new stories to disarm your interpretation of the truth and will seek to redirect the indictments they feel you are accusing them of. Again, to make them appear to be the victim.

The things the toxic person says, what those around her will say to you and accuse you of may make you feel like the crazy person. Know that the redirection is just another manipulation to make you question the validity of your claims, recollection of your account of events, and even question your own emotions. You may even feel that you are crazy, overreacting, or dramatic.

Do not question yourself. You have every right to stand up for your well-being, for your emotions, and for your sanity. It does not matter if it’s a family member or a friend, you do not have to tolerate toxic behavior when it affects your well being.

NO KIND OF ABUSE IS EVER TOLERABLE. Anyone who physically hurts another is likely breaking the law and there are consequences for their actions. If someone if emotionally manipulating, bullying and abusing you, know that you deserve better and that it’s OK to let go and walk away – whether from your parents, siblings, adult children, or another family member

No amount of love, forgiveness, guilt, grief or prayer will fix a person who is broken and purposefully hurting another (you) because of the rush they get from inflicting chaos and pain. The person you need to save is yourself.

Practicing self-love and self-care every day will feel like a new concept, but over time, you week see and feel it was the right step towards a new and fulfilling life.

The time it takes to heal from walking away from a toxic person may be swift but other times, it can take years and cycles of anger, grief, sadness, relief and finally contentment. The human mind likes to know “why” but trying to find the ‘why’ to the actions of a toxic person is usually a fruitless journey. It is one you will inevitably try to figure out for yourself, but in order to let go, you must be okay in likely never knowing those answers. Don’t give your personal power to trying to figure it out, that only serves to prevent the healing of your “scars”.

They have no justification for the way they are and the things they do and cope with the fact you aren’t like them. Are you prepared to let go – temporarily or permanently – and are you prepared for the fallout from potentially other family members or friends? How do you know when to walk away from family? Are you ready to start letting go of family?

Will you be able to continue to remind yourself that YOU are valuable when you are cycling through the stages of letting go? When you feel like giving in and picking up (or answering) your phone, can you be strong enough to know that the journey is long and hard, and each time you want to give in, it WILL get easier?

The way you feel is important and, if this is the journey you choose to take and in all the loneliness and heartbreak of it, know that you are not alone – there is support. More importantly, there are so many people like you who have chosen to be incredibly brave and embark on the path of their own happiness, just like you.

TOP 7 REASONS PEOPLE TERMINATE RELATIONSHIPS WITH FAMILY MEMBERS:

1). When the relationship is based in any kind of abuse, mentally, physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally. When the relationship is based in manipulation, overt or covert, you can be sure you are being used and abused. When you are living in constant anxiety never knowing or being able to predict how any engagement is going to turn out, it is time to love yourself enough to let go.

2). When the only contact you have with them is negative. The contact you have with them serves to bring you down, put you down and/or make you feel you are not good enough, or you haven’t done enough for them.

3). When the relationship creates so much stress that it affects the important areas of your life at work, home or both. When your emotions are totally caught up in defending yourself and wanting to explain yourself, and the chaos of your relationships with these people is all you talk about, it is time to let go.

4). If you find yourself trying to right the wrong’s (gossip they told about you), and you are constantly being ostracized to the point you lose sleep over it, you have been poisoned with their toxicity. Gossip only serves one family member, the one telling it. Yet you can be left feeling defenseless against the false beliefs about yourself. There is usually a ring leader gathering the troops for the assault and because they are joined together, you begin to wonder whether it is you who has or is the problem.

5). When the relationship is completely all about the other person and there is no real reason why the other person cannot make any effort toward the health and maintenance of the relationship with you. One sided relationships are set up for your failure. When you realize there is never going to be an “enough” place for you to reach in the relationship, you need to let go and start to focus on your own healing. Remember you should never be more invested in someone’s life than they are.

6). When and whether the relationship is only about borrowing, or needing money.

7). When crazy-making, no-win games dominate the relationship (ie: silent treatment, blame-games, no-win arguments that spin around on you), there is no point in continuing in this battle. Verbal warfare is never the place you will convince them of anything and these kinds of verbal interactions are set up to be their way or the highway.

One CLASSIC sign of a conversation or piece of advice going nowhere is when your well-intended help is met with “Yeah, but…”. 

10 SIGNS YOU HAVE A TOXIC FAMILY MEMBER:

1). You Feel Sad And Down Around Them

2). You Feel Angry Around Them

3). You Don’t Want To Go See Them

4). You Find Yourself Having To Take Care Of Them

5). You Feel Drained Around Them

6). You Feel Numb Around Them

7). You Can’t Say Anything Right Around Them

8). You Feel Forced To Be Around Them

9). You Feel Unlike Yourself Around Them

10). You Feel Like They Control The Relationship

Unlike healthy relationships, which have highs and lows, and struggles now and then, a toxic relationship is poison to the people involved. The excuse of “being blood” or “being family” is no excuse. Families should be safe havens for the people within them, a shelter of love, hope, support, and affection in a vast world.

** BENEFITS OF LOW OR NO CONTACT? **

Aside from no longer putting yourself in the path of constant maltreatment, you will likely enjoy:

~~ A sense of peace (all the jitters of constantly expecting an emotional ambush will be gone.)
~~ A sense of empowerment (for the first time, you may be protecting yourself.)
~~ A sense of being a real grown-up (no longer having your life dictated by anyone else (ie: toxic parents)
~~ Freedom (to make your own choices)
~~ Holidays you can enjoy (without the drama, the demands, the painful interactions)
~~ A sense of being more authentically “you”
~~ A better use of time (in doing what you want)
~~ Growing more comfortable in your skin
~~ Discovering new facets of your personality which were buried under the toxicity.
~~ New fulfilling relationships with emotionally healthy people
~~ Joy in being untethered (emotionally)
~~ A voice that speaks the truth
~~ A voice that says what you don’t like, what you do, what hurts you, what gives you joy—all without fear of repercussions
~~ A better view of the world (and less feeling like the world is going to ambush you with its demands, pains, and abuse)

Some of these benefits will come immediately from putting a halt to the toxic relationships while other benefits, such as finding one’s voice and living without a notion of guilt, may take time and even therapy…

People who come out of deeply toxic relationships often have a form of PTSD, so the movement from feeling run over and emotionally exhausted to feeling happy can take time, patience, and support. Be sure not to rush it and to nuture yourself.

BOTTOM LINE? Choose You. Choose Happiness and Peace. Choose Your Emotional Well-Being.

Ghost of Billy: Help with Pet Grief

WARNING: long post, but worth every word.

* Adapted excerpt from my autobiography to help with those struggling with the loss of a pet. May the ghost of Billy help you, too *

We Carried His Body

On Thanksgiving Day two years after we moved to Austin, Cody and I were taking our rescue boxer, Billy, for his morning walk. He acted totally fine and then suddenly fell to the ground. We awkwardly carried him back up the hill into our apartment. As we carried his body, we could feel the life going out of him and begged him to hang on.

We called every vet in town. Of course, nobody was open except for the one on-call emergency vet who told us to bring him in. We loaded him into the car and left. After two hours at the vet, we found out that he had heartworm and, while we never missed giving him his pill, the vet said, “If you test dogs for heartworm and there are no adults present, then the test results can be negative”. He continued to explain that, “When you rescued him from the abusive vet, he likely already had heartworm and, by giving him heartworm medication regularly, you prolonged his life for the past two years.” We were so sad and tears started to pour from our eyes.

The vet said, “Because you two gave him love, you also made the pain of his health a lot less noticeable. He was happy”. It was decided that it was most humane to put him to sleep.

When Cody and I arrived home with our swollen eyes and red faces from all of the crying, we flopped ourselves onto the couch. On the way in, I had turned on the radio to invite a distraction and noticed it was now 2:30 PM. When Cody and I were talking about how much we will miss Billy, he said, “Mom – listen!”

On the radio was a lady whose expertise was pet grief. She said, “When you lose an animal, immediately pray for its soul to reach Heaven. Then ask for the pet to come back to you and he will”.

Cody said, “Mom, I’m going to go pray for Billy to come back” and ran to his room. I chuckled to myself in disbelief but loved how awesome my son was to have such hope.

Two weeks later, Cody and I were talking about rescuing another boxer. Since I was a little girl, I had always wanted a white boxer but had heard they had so many health problems, were not recognized by the kennel clubs, and that most breeders actually drowned them as puppies. That was so sad – I don’t care about breeding or health problems – those can usually be controlled without prolonging pain. I just wanted one to love.

Cody and I spent the day calling and visiting shelters and rescues in the area. With no luck, I reached out to Dallas-area shelters. One lady called me back and stated that an enlisted member of the Army was getting ready to go to overseas and would be there for a year. He was single and his parents refused to keep his dog, so he was willing to let us adopt him. He was willing to sacrifice his “baby as long as he’d be happy”. This man didn’t want him to end up in a shelter. His boxer was white and only 18 months old. We were so excited that the three day wait while we were being approved seemed to last forever. We kept thinking what a great way to start a new year.

At the last minute, two hours before we were to leave for Dallas to pick him up, the owner’s parents agreed to keep his dog and therefore the adoption was called off. Cody was more upset than I was, but only due to maturity. I explained to him, “Everything happens for a reason, it just means that we will find a different white Boxer to save”.

He said, “I asked Billy to come back but he hasn’t come back to us yet mom”. To keep his hope alive, while not really believing in it, I said, “He will, when he’s ready”. Cody walked away disappointed.

During this time, my daughter Jayme had moved about six hours away. I decided to take Cody to visit her for a few days and visit our friends. We returned early because of a distressing situation. Instead of retelling the story, I will place the Letter to the Editor next. I submitted it immediately upon our return home…

***** BEGIN LETTER TO EDITOR *****

Dear Editor:

My son and I scheduled our first vacation in years and decided to go to Brownsville, Harlingen, Weslaco and McAllen. Instead of an enjoyable time, the trip was so bad that we returned home three days early!

One day, during our drive to Brownsville, I stopped for gas and saw a box of puppies, approximately 1 week old, duct-taped in a box sitting by the dumpster. They were full of feces and urine yet seemed healthy overall. We brought them to my daughter’s home (whom we were visiting), took them to the vet, bottle-fed them, and they are now fine. However, the lack of compassion of who set them there initially is nauseating!

Two days later we were driving on the interstate between Harlingen and Mercedes with the flow of traffic at 70 mph. Both lanes were back-to-back with heavy cars due to the holiday rush when someone threw what appeared to be a German Shepherd mix puppy out of the car in between the two lanes of traffic. The puppy tried running to the side of the road but a car hit its hind leg. There was a very slight break in traffic and she was lying in the middle of the right-hand lane – looking up as I was coming toward her.

I immediately stopped the vehicle on the side of the road and yes, while telling my son to stay in the vehicle and without hesitation – I jumped in front of traffic. Had I not done so, the puppy would have been hit repeatedly since the cars coming toward her were not about to stop or move over…. at least not until they saw me in front of them. Someone going by yelled, “You are crazy lady”. Well, that may be, but I was not going to let her die like that!

I wrapped the dog in an old sheet that we had in the back seat. I could see a head wound, tire tracks on her tan body, cuts on her tail, and on her hind leg, and ears. She also appeared to be bleeding from her vaginal area. She was conscious and looking at me, breathing normally under the circumstances, but I could tell she was in shock. My son and I lifted her into the truck.

All the while I wondered, “What happened to the human race? Even with all of my traumatic experiences, I was never this cold-hearted.”

As I pulled my SUV back into the lane of traffic, I called the non-emergency police number in Weslaco and explained the situation. I asked if there was a vet, emergency pet clinic, Humane Society, anything; the officer said, “Ma’am, nobody here cares about that stuff” and hung up. I was furious!

Ever since I was a child, I have rescued and fought for animal rights, and have even turned people into authorities when they have dumped or mistreated animals. I was now in disbelief as a police officer hung up on me! I did not tie up the 9-1-1 lines, so I think the officer could have been a bit more helpful. After all, he is in a “helping” profession and he didn’t help at all.

Then I called the McAllen Police Department who gave me a number for an emergency vet clinic. I called this emergency vet and the person stated, “We don’t want her.” After I told her that she’s obviously in the wrong line of work and asked her if she feels it was more humane to let her keep getting hit, I hung up on her, feeling even more angry and disgusted with all of this, yet anxious to move on to the next call.

I then pleaded with directory assistance operator who went overboard to find a Humane Society number, only to have a cleaning lady answer and say that nobody works there on Saturday or Sunday, and she did not know how to get a hold of anyone. She said I had to wait until Monday and call back. I called yet another police department in the area who was just as rude and uncaring. I asked, “If a child is attacked by a dog, who goes to pick-up that dog?” She stated, “Ma’am unless you have that situation, we cannot help you,” and hung up on me!

Fast forward about two hours. While I am still calling everyone I could think of to help this poor little puppy, my son is still whispering to the puppy who is still conscious and still appears to be breathing calmly, despite being in shock. Then my best friend Susan calls and says, “Mozelle, since we just moved to this farm north of Weslaco we are going to need a watchdog anyway. Bring her over here and let’s get her fixed up.”

I drove to Susan’s house… she had the bandages, Neosporin, food, and water ready. We bandaged her on all obvious external wounds and she drank some water. She laid with her head across me and my son’s lap all night long. We stayed awake giving her all the calm and compassionate love we could.

When morning came, she took a very tiny sip of water, raised her head slightly, looked up at us as if to thank us, and took her last breath. We were so upset.

We were and still are very angry at the people of the Rio Grande Valley for being so cruel and uncaring! Literally sick with the lack of human compassion in this area of Texas, I felt ashamed that my son had to witness such cold cruelty. We left immediately.

I only hope that the love that this puppy felt from my son, myself, and Susan was enough to warm her soul as she passed. Passing with love was sure a lot better than being hit repeatedly on the expressway.

I hope just one person will start to care after reading this. We are all part of God’s Kingdom. Adults make some of their own drama; animals are innocent and depend on humans for care and love, or at least trust us repeatedly to not harm them. Instead of throwing a dog out in the middle of the expressway, why not give it to someone who would love her or, if need be, put her in the night drop of the Humane Society?

Better yet, if you get a pet so that you can leave them thirsty, starving, in the sun on a short chain, abused, neglected, ignored, or to fight them against one another, do not get one at all.

Animals are as innocent and loving as a child who you would not put through that same abuse. The laws on animal abuse are not even close to being tough enough. I did learn one thing: next time I think of vacationing in your area again, I am going to remind myself that staying home is much more loving.

***** END LETTER TO EDITOR *****

Then, after returning home and trying to heal our thoughts from that traumatic event, I was speaking to my mother. After our chat, I came to the realization that we had not seen her for a couple years and decided it was time to visit. She still lived in the Midwest and her health was becoming more fragile due to her age and diminishing weight. As the only child, I felt a bit guilty for not visiting her more often. Plus, even though the doctor has repeatedly told her to stop smoking, she continued on. It seemed that with each phone call, her laborious breathing seemed worse and more obvious. She said, “I have very little joy left and now with emphysema, why would I quit? So I prolong my life for a day or week? No thanks, I’d rather keep the one thing that still gives me pleasure”.

My dad had passed away in 1996 and, because of her worsening symptoms and living alone, I felt we could possibly recover from our recent shitty “puppy luck” if we took a road trip. So, I rented a car to preserve mine, and Cody and I went to bed early to prepare for the long drive the next morning.

Return to the Midwest

As we were driving well into the darkness, we had now wandered a bit off the freeway and were somewhere in the middle of Iowa. In fact, the last road sign I had read said “Storm Lake” and it was by a lighthouse.

It was dark, very little traffic, and farmhouses seemed to have disappeared. Cody said, “Mom, I have to potty”.

I said, “Well, I can pull over and you can potty here, nobody will see you”.

He said, “No, I’m scared, what if there are animals out there that we don’t see?” He refused to go, and agreed to hold it as long as he could.

About 15 miles later, I saw a dim light starting to appear on the horizon. As we got closer, I realized that it was a convenience store. It was now 10:55 PM and, as I approached, a man appeared to be locking-up. I quickly pulled up and said, “Sir, sir, can my son please use your restroom?”

He replied, “Yes, but just so you know, a bunch of us men are having a poker game in the back by the restroom. It will be okay – there is just a lot of smoke in that area”.

He opened the door and let us in. I was a bit uncomfortable being the only female in a strange location at night in the middle of nowhere so, as I watched Cody safely make it to the restroom, I picked up a random newspaper from one of the racks closest to me. In an effort to hide my discomfort, I opened the paper to a random page and held it in front of my face. I had no plans to read it but, low and behold, when I actually did look at it, the first thing I saw was an ad for a “free white Boxer puppy” and I was ecstatic.

I immediately looked at my phone to call the number and realized I had no cellular service. I then interrupted the poker game and asked if I could use the man’s phone. He was very nice as he handed me his cordless handset. I dialed the number and the lady asked where we were and stated, “Well, you are on the other side of the state, but I will hold him for you”. I got the directions and we headed out.

Midway we stopped for a nap at a roadside rest and, four hours later, gassed up, threw our trash away, cleaned the windows, grabbed some breakfast, and were on the road again.

About three hours later, I realized we had accidentally thrown out the paper with the boxer ad and directions on it. Again – Cody was very upset. Again – I said, “Remember, everything happens for a reason – he was not supposed to be ours”.

Cody said, “Billy is never coming back to us, is he mom?”

Again trying to continue the hope, I said, “Yes he is, and Billy will come back to us soon”.

I decided to turn around and, while we did not know where we were, we did see a sign that said we were entering Amish territory. I had not taken a map with me because the same highway went from Texas to my mother’s house, so I didn’t have a reason to use a map. However, at this very moment, I sure wished I had one.

We decided to continue onward until we reached a town. We could get some fresh drinks, use the restroom, and most importantly, purchase a map. Instead, it did not quite turn out that way.

Because He’s White

We saw dozens of deer on the side of the road. It was a beautiful site and one I had missed while living in Austin. Although deer were not rare to me, to Cody they were. So he grabbed my camera and, as I kept driving, he kept taking pictures. “Oooh, look mom, turn here…. now turn here….” as the camera kept working it’s magic. I was just glad to see Cody smile again and in awe of the nature around us.

When we decided to drive down a remote road to turn around and then head back to the main highway, Cody said, “Look mom!” and pointed to a tree. I looked and it was a white Boxer puppy.

I immediately looked at the property and noticed a very long row of dog kennels on the left and, on the right, the puppy tied to a short chain with no shelter or food bowls in sight. It was winter in middle-of-nowhere Iowa. No shelter for this puppy? I told Cody, “Well, seems like divine intervention led us here so it’s time for me to intervene”.

I pulled into the driveway and got out; I told Cody to stay inside of the vehicle. An Amish man met me outside and, behind in a bit of a distance, was who appeared to be his wife, and his children: two sons and a daughter between the ages of 7 and 13.

I asked the man about the white puppy. He replied, “I’m sorry, he isn’t for sale, he has to be killed”.

I asked, “Why?”

He replied, “Because he is white”.

He was very emotionless – no facial expression of any kind and just as his wife and kids were heading toward us, I stated, “My son and I have been driving across Iowa looking for a white Boxer puppy. I understand you’re probably concerned about breeding. We don’t want to breed him; we just want to love him”.

I took $150 cash out of my pocket and handed it toward the man. I said, “Are you sure he isn’t for sale? It is winter, it is cold, he has no shelter, no food, no water… he is a baby, and just like children, he deserves love too”.

His wife looked up at him with pleading yet kind eyes, and gave him a half-smile before looking back at me. He started to take the money and I gripped it tighter saying, “I am sorry but not until the puppy is safely in our vehicle”. I motioned for Cody to get out and put the puppy in the car. He was so excited – little did he know just how close this puppy came to being killed.

As promised, when the puppy was in the car, I let go of the money. It was so cold outside and the wind was blowing. All I could think of was how great that puppy must feel by now… the warmth of the vehicle, and Cody’s love wrapped all around him.

Because I wanted to report them, I stated, “I am heading north to go visit my mother and will be coming back through this area on the way back home. Can I have your number in case I want to buy one of your other puppies?”  The wife wrote it down for me on a napkin that I had in my jacket pocket; I thanked them and we left.

We made it into the next town, got food and water for us and the puppy, gas, a map, and used the restroom. I asked the sales clerk how far I was from the state line. She explained that I was a few hours away and, based on her information, I was about 6 hours away from our destination.

When we finally arrived at my mother’s house, I explained the puppy situation and Cody told her about praying that Billy would come back. Then he said, “Um mom, did you ask the puppy’s birthday?”

I replied, “No I didn’t Codeman, I didn’t even think about it”.

He said, “Please call them and ask mom, we have to know so we can give him a party and a puppy cake”. I knew I was planning on reporting them so did not really want to call and chat with them.

But after 20 minutes of Cody bugging me about it, my mother said, “Well, it would be kind of fun to know when his birthday is”. So, I picked up the phone and dialed. After all, we always celebrated our pets’ birthdays.

The man’s wife answered and I asked. She placed me on hold to get the index card with the litter’s information on it. She came back on the phone and said, “He was born on Thanksgiving at 2:30 in the afternoon”. I was absolutely shocked – so much so that my mother and Cody asked what was wrong.

I said, “I am in shock because he was born on the exact same day and time that Billy died”.  (Even as I write this, I am getting chills).

Cody hugged him and said, “Billy, you came back to us, I knew you would” and kissed the puppy all over his face.

I finally said, “Well Cody, I think he deserves a name and calling him Billy is bad luck” – that was something my parents told me as a kid even though my mother had named every one of her Siamese cats the same… Dusty.

Cody said, “Well, he is white and the ghost of Billy, so let’s call him Ghost”… and so it was.

** End of excerpt **

So if you are dealing with the grief / loss of a pet, do as Cody did and pray. Prayers never hurt anyone. Besides, what do you have to lose?

In loving memory of Billy and Ghost…

billy   ghost

I sure hope that I see all of my now-deceased when I take my final breath. In the meantime…

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