Who Doesn’t Know You Love Them?

No one ever went to the grave wishing to have loved LESS.

Only unfounded fear prevents us from sharing our heart’s truth with those who nurture and inspire us.

So don’t wait another minute…

Make a list of all the people you love.

Let the term “love” be flexible enough to encompass every person who is important to you at your essence, whether your specific feelings are romantic, familial, platonic, collegian, or spiritual.

Next, begin letting all the people on your list know how deeply they are valued. 

Please understand that this gift of love bestows as much upon you as it does them.

You don’t have to wait for birthdays, or your anniversary, their graduation, marriage, baby announcement, or even Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Valentine’s Day to do or say something extra-special.

In fact, today is the perfect day.

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Phishing Alert: American Express

Watch and share the below video that I did of a phishing email scam stating my American Express card was “locked” and that I needed to click a link to “unlock” it. The subject line was “Attention needed on your account”

I also sent all evidence to the law enforcement agencies who oversee these types of scams. If you receive this type of email, please report it to these agencies (and more as applicable or seen in the video).

FOR THIS SCAM:

The email says it’s from “American Express” but the email address is…

peterpauljung@t-online.de

In case you are unaware, you can usually see the full email address but if not, try holding your cursor over the email name and it should reveal the entire email address as a mini pop-up by your mouse pointer, or in the lower left hand corner of your screen. Same with hyperlinks in email messages. Do not click!

For the purposes of public awareness through making videos of these things, this is what I do:

  • right click the email address or hyperlink (ie: “Unlock Card here”) and paste it in notepad program to remove secret code, or write it down by hand.
  • Then I type it in the address or URL bar
  • Enter

Please don’t do this at home, I have incredible security systems on my computer & server, so I am confident I am safe and have never had any problems.

**** CLOSE UP PICTURES BELOW VIDEO ****

** WATCH & SHARE THIS VIDEO **

 

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

I Love You But…

I love this from one of my FAVE relationship gurus Mort Fertel… if you have ever been told: “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” then you will definitely want to READ THIS!!!

What does that statement even mean?

A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is making a distinction between 2 different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love! When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you. 

CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of concern. But it’s different than love. For example, I care about the starving children in Africa, but I don’t love them. 

Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. For example, I am excited about having a relationship with the President of the United States but that doesn’t mean I love him. 

While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves”. In fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because… who are they truly in love with?). 

Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you get from another person. Instead, it’s an experience you receive as a result of deed you do for another person. 

And those deeds are not a secret.

In other words, love is not a mystery. There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (ie: gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship will make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can “make” love. 

Very often someone will say to me, “I love my spouse, but I’m not in love with him / her.” 

Mort’s immediate response is to ask, “Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?” 

On the other end of the phone, Mort usually hears grunts, partial statements, and gasps for breath, but none of what he hears ever passes as a specific answer to his question.

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is a cop out.

It basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting (leaving, ending-it, divorcing) to “get high” from another short-term romance. But whoever they think they are currently in love with will eventually hear…

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Warning: He’s Getting Out of Prison Soon

As I always say, “locking up the behavior doesn’t solve anything because one day they will be free”.

It’s important to treat the “root causes” of the inmate’s behavior, not put a band-aid on it or think metal bars will solve the problem for the long-term.

Some people (like the guy below) may never be helped enough to guarantee he would no longer kill, but had his behaviors been acknowledged / treated when he was a kid or teen, or anytime before his spree… maybe?

It’s important to note that many sociopathic / psychopathic tendencies and indicators ARE seen in children as young as 3 years old, yet many mental health professionals are “scared” to diagnose anyone under age 18. In fact and sadly to society’s detriment, many mental health professionals blow it off as “normal childhood behavior”.

I disagree with that reasoning.

Most aware parents know when it’s normal or not-normal behavior (moms can usually sense it sooner), yet when parents do seek help, the professionals dismiss them as being “over-emotional” or “too-close to be objective”.

I also disagree that many psychologists will label and diagnose someone with an Axis I disorder (ie: bipolar, major depressive) because there are essentially no cures for Axis II disorders (esp. Cluster B – ie: histrionic, borderline).

The reasons this is done vary to include those with Axis I being more accepted within society because of its common prevalence. In addition, Axis I peeps also qualify for other treatments and services, including SSI.

Many treatment professionals and psychologists will not accept people diagnosed with Axis II because they can be extremely-exhausting to work with. Again, Axis II indicators are prevalent in childhood.

There are three Axis II clusters (A: such as paranoid / schizoid who experience major disruptions in relationships because their behavior may be perceived as peculiar, suspicious, or detached) and (B: such as mentioned above, who experience very intense emotions or engage in extremely impulsive, theatrical, promiscuous, or law-breaking behaviors) and (C: such as avoidant, dependent, and ocd).

OH & FYI – did you know that an average of 40% of patients who should be diagnosed as Bipolar are actually MISdiagnosed first (most often with major depressive disorder instead) and it then takes an average of 10 YEARS before they are correctly diagnosed with bipolar?

During these 10 years inappropriate use of anti-depressants has actually been worsening symptoms!

ANYWAY… that’s a long way of warning you…

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Wondering if someone has a mental illness?

DO THIS & find out !

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

 

Try This Instead of Obamacrap

Wanted to share something with you…

I hate the Obamacrap (oops – I mean Obamacare).

Allow me to digress…

I have never had *health* insurance and never wanted any.

Well back in the 1990s when I was a single mom, I started selling Avon on the side so that I could help support my two kids while I attended college full-time. Avon treated me so well and relieved so much stress that I still have my store.

End of digression…

So, when the government said we would get “fined under Obamacrap if we didn’t have health insurance”, I was pissed. Maybe it’s because I am defiant-by-nature but anyway…

Then, when Avon offered the health insurance option, I was super excited and, for the past 5 years, I have had *health insurance* for only $142 / month.

Although it “says” it doesn’t qualify under Obamacare, we have never been fined (hope they don’t read this or I’ll get a huge bill, lol).

If interested, all you have to do is spend $30, pick your free gift, and sign up for their insurance. Oh and it is NOT a lame “discount plan”, it is real and good insurance… well, at least the plan I picked is.

When you sign up, you will auto-receive a store. Customize it, share the link, and you can make some sales that will pay for your insurance, making your insurance free 🙂

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Working for Barter, Free, or Fee

When close friends or family members have a small concern, I am usually quick to offer a bit of advice. Like a great friend, I do care about them and am usually eager to help if they ask.

However there is a fine line between people seeking true assistance and those taking advantage of me. Yep, friends and family are typically the quickest to do so by expecting more and more. The fact that they may not deliberately or consciously know they are doing it does not change the fact that they do. Then, when I cut them off, they get pissed at ME!

Therefore I am writing this post so that I can refer others to it as needed. In fact, perhaps this post can be the voice for other professionals who may lack the courage to just say…

You see, since the early 1990’s I have attracted four main types of people and I’d like to introduce you to each of them:

TYPE #1: “I just like free things because they are cool”.

TYPE #2: “I never talk to her but I need something, so I’ll give her a call, shoot the shit for a bit, and then ask for a hand-out”.

TYPE #3: “I bet she, or her husband or kids would like the services I provide, so I will ask her to trade or barter her services for mine”.

TYPE #4: “I realize she has a vast amount of knowledge and skills. I also understand she prices her services in the range of her value, just as any other professional does. I have no problem paying these prices because I recognize the value that this service can bring into my life”.

Let me digress for a bit…

I entered my forensic career internationally on June 1, 1987. I was a young adult who was trying to break into the male-dominated field of law enforcement as a case consultant, expert witness, and trainer. Because of this, nobody would hire me without references.

So, in this case, I had something of value to give but I also truly needed something of value in return. So for 5 years I worked 100% for free and ended up with dozens of reference letters from law enforcement agencies around the country. Obviously that trade made sense because it launched the rest of my career.

Then in 1994, a so-called “marketing guru” said that I should give away a * unique * freebie on my website to invoke more business from the private sector since most of my work was government and business entities. This “guru” said I was missing out on a whole population.

So, that’s what I did.

From 1994 – 1999, I offered a FREE personality snapshot on my website. This was fondly called a “quickie” and was based on my professional analysis of their handwriting. It truly was free – no catch – no newsletter sign-ups or any other requirement other than to submit their handwriting to me.

During those 5 years, I performed 2,103 personality snapshots. That’s over 35 each month (that’s over 1 per day). My regular price for these at that time was $10 each. So in essence, in 5 years, I gave away over $21,000 in professional value.

When I returned their results via email, they were given a 10% discount on a full personality profile (again recommended by the “guru” which was considered the norm during the early-1990s), which at the time was only $99. The only catch was that they had to order it within 7 days or the coupon would expire (create a sense of urgency said the “guru”).

Of those 2,103 people, guess how many took advantage of the discount and upgraded to the full personality profile?

Guess how many replied and said a simple “Thank you?”

Same answer for both…

So, to be clear, I gave away over 250 hours of work and over $21,000 and got absolutely nothing in return, not even a simple thank you.

That is not a win-win or mutually-beneficial exchange! One person took all (them), and one person gave all (me).

That is when I stopped working for free unless it benefited me or my business in such a way that it was a no-brainer (just like the reference letters in 1987).

Now fast forward to the early 2000’s.

When I moved back to my home state of Arizona, I needed to restart or relaunch my business in a new city. Once again, bartering and flat-out working for free was a smart move – but only sometimes! In doing so, I made great connections, built great relationships that are still ongoing, and acquired actual paid clients. Of course, not every one of these “barter or free ventures” was sensible. The ones that weren’t, were “one and done”.

Now, a small digression again…

Between 2009 – 2017 something else all-too-frequently occurred.

While on a date with my husband, or hanging out with my adult children, someone (usually friends) would approach me and ask me to analyze their handwriting or the writing of someone who was with them. I know this was not done out of ill-intention; however, it really did offend me for two reasons:

  • I am a type A personality and workaholic – I work about 126 hours per week on average. On the extremely rare occasion that I am on personal time, please do not be inconsiderate and expect me to work; and…

  • What makes you think I even want to analyze you? I mean, I certainly do not need the practice (okay, that was somewhat wit but also true)

It had become soooooo irritating to me that I started to cancel date night, and stopped hanging out in public with my kids. I also started developing resentment toward others, and started to hate the career I dedicated my life to, and have loved unconditionally for decades.

In fact, one day I had a slight emotional breakdown due to the stress of this occurring sooooo often. I poured a very large glass of wine and said to my husband, You know, if I did not know this science, or was terrible at it, nobody would ask me for free shit all the time”.

Being the supportive guy he is, he said, “Well, it’s because you make it look easy. But if it’s affecting you that badly, do something about it”.

So I did…. I had a mobile app developed. This mobile app is not for people who are serious, but it IS for those mentioned above. Having this app available has saved me a TON of headaches and irritation. Yes there are “bad” reviews but that’s because they are those who want the true scientific results for little or nothing. However for those who are serious about having a professional help them, there are options.

How do I know if they are serious or not?

The answer is simple. They either become a paying client or they say something like…

“I just think it’s cool”, “I find it fascinating”, etc.

If they say that, I give them this business card…

If they are serious, I give them this business card so they can schedule or order accordingly. So far each “serious” individual has become a paid client, without question.

After having to do this to the “free-seekers” about 10 times (often to the same “repeat offenders”), it started to work remarkably well. Yet through it all, I have learned some valuable lessons  including, but definitely not limited to:

  • Those 2,103 personality snapshots went to people who were much like my family members and friends – asking for and / or expecting “freebies”. To me, it clearly shows that they did not find value in my skill or career.

  • I questioned my own self-worth – wondering if it was so low that I allowed this to go on for so long.  I wondered, “if I don’t see my own value after all of that, how could I expect anyone else to?”

  • As an interesting experiment, I have kept track of how many of those business cards I have handed out and have followed up with them just to see if they ever downloaded the app. Want to venture a guess? You’re right… ZERO.

Yep, these people are just like those 2,103 others only this time, I don’t give a damn because I am no longer giving away my skills, knowledge, time, or… value.

People tend to only value what they pay for or invest in.

In my situation, if someone truly has a need to have a handwriting sample analyzed – maybe to assess for suicidal tendencies, for matchmaking, hiring, or to do a pre-termination violence assessmentthey will pay for it because they know it’s value.

If people are truly curious about what I would have said during the “personality snapshot” that they expected for free during my date nights, they would download either the free or the one-time $2.99 version of my app.

* Guess how many have bothered to download it at the time of this post?

* Guess how many have purchased the $2.99 (one-time, lifetime cost)?

Yep… you guessed it… same answer for both. That repeatedly verifies that I did the right thing. Had I not had this app developed, I may have continued to waste more of my valuable time, effort, and money on “coolness” and “intrigue”.

People want the solution but don’t want to do the work. People want the professionals to “fix it” yet don’t want to pay for it.

That leads me to this… 

Many in the business of spiritual products or services will say, “I work for love donations” as if that makes them sound modest or like a modern-day version of Mahatma Gandhi.

Unless they are 100% debt-free and have absolutely no living expenses, that sounds like pure “100% phooey” to me. But let’s say that’s true… that they do really only work for love donations… then they must not be making enough with their “gifts” and therefore need a “regular j.o.b.”.

Without passing judgement, let me ask you… what does that say about their value – either to themselves or others?

Bottom line, in my decades of experience, many people walking in the spiritual path typically do not like to pay for anything and are some of the most financially-lacking people I have ever come across. They do not want to pay for advertising, yet complain they have no clients. They do not want to pay for services, so they expect the other person to agree to a barter. I have amazing friends who work in this field and I love them. They are a step-above a vast majority so I will refer others because I know their value. And yes, I too have done a lot of work in the spiritual circles too but my mindset was always “this is business – pure and simple”.

See the pattern?

I know this may shock you but, in case you hadn’t noticed, you are not the Son of Man and you do live in a monetary society, like it or not.

If you pay attention to the motivational speaker, Jim Rohn’s, comment “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”, then hanging out with financially-struggling people will certainly put you on the fast train toward financial struggles as well.

Especially in the spiritual context of careers, we have to be careful not to get sucked into the you should not charge people if you are truly spiritual theory. Of course, there is obviously nothing wrong with that concept especially if one does want to make money.

Unfortunately for me, bartering and working for free does not pay my bills.

If you find yourself stuck in that “free is beautiful” mindset, this may help:

  • Look at the commonalities of the 5 people you are spending the most time with. Are they always looking for handouts, shopping at Goodwill because they have to (who doesn’t like a random thrift experience for fun?), always in a negative “victim” mindset, talking about having no money, OR are they happy, financially successful, and assertive in pursuing their passions?

When I look back to my most financially-low times, the 5 people were definitely in the doghouse financially too. Yet, when I looked back at the most successful, achievement-oriented, financially-stable times, the 5 people matched that vibe as well.

So, if you want to go from free and bartering to financially independent I recommend:

  • Looking at your own money-mindset. Are you saying to the Universe, “Will work for free”?  If so, you will very likely attract only those clients who will keep you working for free. After all, God / the Universe wants to give you what you want.

Now you may be wondering… is bartering EVER okay?

YES!

If you are starting a business, or trying to launch into a second career, or build a portfolio of web designs or photography, working for free or bartering may be perfect for you, just as it was for me back in 1987.

If you truly do want something that the other person wants, and you would have purchased it anyway, by all means… go for it.

But if you are bartering because you don’t want to offend someone or for a reason that is not a “definite need” in your life, I highly recommend that you say “NO” (nicely of course). Oh and never barter or do things for free just because they are family or friends. Any entrepreneur you ask will likely agree that your paid clients do not usually come from family or friends.

So, if you want to stop working for free and barter, start by making a commitment – a promise to yourself – that you will stop. However, when you do – as with any major change you are going to make – be prepared that your previous and often chronic “free seekers” may put up resistance. They may think it is “only a phase” or you are “having a bad day”, and if you stick to your commitment, they will likely get mad at you!

If this occurs, you will likely start feeling guilty and question your decision. Stick to your guns (they’ll likely get over it eventually) but also prepare for a test from God / the Universe.

For example, I make all major business changes on my business anniversary date of June 1st. Several years ago when I decided to stop bartering entirely, within that week, I had three people ask if I’d be willing to barter. I had to say “no” to each of them without hesitation because otherwise the God / the Universe would know I was not being accountable to my own value, and was essentially breaking the promise I made to myself.

No “case-by-case” basis either because that is like making an excuse for yourself to barter. To God / the Universe it’s one and the same; you are either serious about it or you are not – it really is that simple.

So, after gracefully turning down those last 3 offers, within the following month, I had taken on 6 more fully-paid clients. Yes, I have had to say “no” to many requests and expectations of free and / or bartering offers from family, friends, and mere acquaintances. When I say “no” they think I’m joking because we are friends or family. If they are reading this and are still in doubt, here is my final answer… nope, I’m really not joking.

*** IF YOU STILL REALLY WANT TO BARTER WITH ME ***

I have talked with my husband and adult children in detail as to what we would barter for.

Here is the list:

  • My daughter: new kitchen cabinets, new living room floor tile or carpet.

  • My son: pay off his brand new car.

  • My husband and I: pay off our two brand new cars and my $150K student loan.

If you can do any of those, we will gladly barter. If you can’t, we won’t – simply because we do not need or want anything else.

Stick to your own value because, when you pay for products and services, you are telling the professional that you respect his or her work.

When someone pays you for your products or services, they are telling you that they respect you and your work.

QUICK QUESTION: When was the last time you bartered with your doctor, dentist, lawyer, plumber, landlord, utility company, cell phone provider, mechanic, or any other professional? 

Yeah, didn’t think so.

  • Just like them, I am a professional.

  • Just like them, I get paid for my work.

  • Just like them, I am not free, available for barter, or cheap.

  • Just like them, I and my knowledge and skills are valuable.

If you are looking for a few graceful ways to say “no”, Marie Forleo’s video may help…

P.S. I only work with people who are willing to pay for my services. If someone pays and then flakes, there are no refunds. Instead the money is donated on their behalf.

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin

Todd Newton Interviews Mozelle Martin

Todd Newton interviews Mozelle Martin about forensic handwriting analysis – from dating and gold digging to business skills and much more.

Oh, and Mozelle will discuss Todd’s personality too!

 

 

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Post by Ms. Mozelle Martin